Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is the higest quality. Pour one level cup if whiskey and drink. Repeat. Turn on the mixer. Beat1 cup batter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar and beat again Make sure the whiskey is still ok. Cry another tup. turn off mixer break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of fruit. mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. sample the whiskey to check for tonsaisticity. Next sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, who cares? check the whiskey. now sift the lemon juice an strain the pecans. add one tablespoon of sugar or something. whatever you can find. Grease the oven and turn the cake pan to 350 degrees. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the wheskey. Go to bed. Nobody likes fruit cake anyway.